There’s no set timeline for falling in love. Some people feel instant attraction at first sight, while others may take time to form a deep connection following all the stages of love.
Love is sometimes complicated. Most people would probably agree to this. Even the act of falling in love is different for different people. If you’ve fallen in love a time or two before, you might have some firsthand knowledge of its complexities.
If you already know people typically don’t fall in love at exactly the same time, in exactly the same way, it may not surprise you to learn that researchers find it somewhat challenging to pinpoint the stages of love it takes.
Basically, it’s tough to measure the stages that doesn’t fall within any defined parameters. There’s no set test that can determine whether you’re in love or not. You might not even know with any certainty exactly what your own feelings mean.
What falling in love can feel like
So, we’ve established you can’t use time to reliably predict when you might fall in love. Then how can you tell when it actually happens?
Most people agree it usually involves some of the following:
- A burst of energy and excitement. You might describe this as feeling “on top of the world.”
- A sense of newness. Your day-to-day routine might feel revitalized, brighter, or more interesting.
- Difficulty focusing on anything else. Most of your waking moments, plus plenty of your dreaming ones, center on memories of your past encounters and plans for future meetings.
- A desire to spend as much time together as possible. You don’t even care what you do together. Run errands? Scrub floors? Anything sounds fun when they’re around.
- Interest in everything about them. You want to learn everything you possibly can — favourite foods, dreams and goals, and secret fears, not to mention anything you might have in common.
- Feelings of attachment. Your bond isn’t just physical, though great chemistry might factor in. You also feel a strong emotional connection.
- A sense of security. You don’t just feel physically safe around them. You also know you can open up about your deepest, most private thoughts and feelings — and trust them to understand and respect those emotions.
The 7 Stages Of Falling In Love
The seven stages of love you’re likely to experience as you fall for someone are:
1. Inception
Inception is the moment at which a certain someone begins to take on a whole new meaning in your life. It might be someone you have known for years or someone you met just hours ago. Either way, you begin to focus intently on that person — a trait known as salience to scientists.
Congratulations! Whether you meant to or not, you have begun the first stage in the process of falling in love.
2. Intrusive thinking
The next stage occurs when thoughts of your love begin to intrude into your mind. You replay snippets of conversation, recall exactly what he was wearing one night, or think fondly of her smile.
You wonder what he would think of the book you are reading, or what her advice on your problem with your boss might be.
Every meeting with your beloved, whether planned or happenstance, becomes a weighty event worthy of an ongoing review.
In the beginning, these intrusive thoughts come only occasionally. As you move further into this stage, though, they become obsessive.
3. Crystallisation
Those in love are sometimes said to idealise their beloved, but science shows that this is incorrect. Instead, the third stage of falling in love is known as crystallisation. This is when you begin to develop a clear picture of not only your love’s strengths but also his faults.
Rather than an ethereal figure, your beloved is becoming a whole, real person in your mind.
Still, despite knowing her faults, there is a tendency to dismiss them or even view them as charming quirks.
4. Craving, hope and uncertainty
Craving, hope, and uncertainty go hand in hand with crystallisation. Now that you have a clear picture of who your beloved is, you are overcome with the desire for a relationship.
Everything that happens between you becomes fraught with emotional meaning — the slightest positive overture becomes proof that your love is returned, while the tiniest rebuff becomes grounds for despair.
Separation anxiety and the determination to overcome any obstacles to your love are part of this phase.
5. Hypomania
At some point, you will likely start to experience what scientists refer to as hypomania. This is the rush of energy that makes it feel like you need little food or sleep.
However, it also tends to come out in such nervous reactions as flushing, trembling, physical awkwardness, stuttering, sweating, and racing or pounding heartbeat.
6. Jealousy and intense motivation
Those who have advanced down the path of falling in love tend to experience a strong motivation to win over their love interest.
Irrational jealousy and behaviours — known as mate guarding and designed to warn other potential partners away from your beloved — are common during this stage.
The fear of rejection and an overwhelming sense of longing also tend to appear at this time.
7. Helplessness
At some point, your intense feelings will likely give way to a sense of helplessness. You may at first feel despondent, but as the obsessiveness starts to subside, you might wonder why you ever behaved so irrationally.
