Understanding our partner’s love language/s can help with increasing connection, enhancing appreciation, improving communication and intimacy. Knowing our partner’s love language also assists with preventing problems in the relationship by managing expectations on what it means to be loved.
To gain more understanding of our partner’s love language it’s important that we pay attention and tune in to our partner, looking for evidence of when they are feeling loved. If people are paying attention and partners are still missing each other on this level, it never hurts to ask questions and to continue seeking out information. Getting to know each other’s love language comes down to open and honest communication and taking a deep interest in how the other person experiences love and connection.
It should be noted that whenever we speak our partner’s love language (or vice versa) it’s like putting money into one’s emotional bank account. Whenever our emotional bank account is full, we have more to give back to the other person, thereby meeting their needs and speaking to their love language in return.
5 Love Languages
The five “love languages” describe the ways in which people typically express and experience love. They are:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Physical touch
- Quality time
1. Quality time
Defining “quality time” together is a difficult task these days, given lockdown limitations and our shifting lifestyles. When you consider the concept of quality time, spatiality and physicality stand out as key components. If you can consider a Zoom call as an idea of spending quality time together, what prevents us from including a “like” or a share of our passion projects on our loved one’s Instagram story as a form of spending quality time together? After all, they are engaging with our interests, be it actively and passively.
People whose primary love language is quality time prefer to receive affection in the form of personal attention and doing activities together. They feel the most loved when they get to spend uninterrupted time with their partner getting their undivided attention, whether it’s an arranged activity, a special date night, or snuggling up and watching TV together. Getting to regularly spend time where they can connect with their partner, make eye contact, and have their full attention is important to individuals with this love language.
2. Words of affirmation
The traditional love language, “Words of affirmation,” can be slightly limiting. There are times when we are of two minds about our decisions and life choices. In times of distress and duress, validating our fears and shortcomings can actually be helpful for us. It also helps us knowing you see through us, not just the good bits but all of it. We stick close to those who help us feel comfortable about living with varied passions and interests. Admittedly, we have a huge circle of friends, but our closest friends are those who are able to adjust to each of our potentials instead of ridiculing us for them.
This love language is all about communication. Expressing your love with thoughtful and mindful words will help in creating a non-breakable bond between you and your partner. Everyday take the time to express how much your partner means to you in one or a few of these ways:
Little notes left around the room and their suitcase expressing a quality of your partner that you admire and adore.
Every time your partner does something kind or special, express your gratitude and love at that very moment.
Write a letter remembering the special memories that you have made with your partner and why they have aplace in their heart. Read it to them while you share dessert after dinner.
3. Acts of service
Some of our closest relationships and friendships are forged on the basis of people enabling us to know, understand or learn something new. Passion sharing is infectious. Enabling someone’s passion is one of the greatest forms of love. In doing this, we are not only introduced to their interest but also see their enthusiasm towards their subject. And, we get to know something new together.
People whose primary love language is acts of service prefer to receive love in the form of thoughtful gestures. They feel the most loved when their partner does something for them without being asked, whether it’s big or small. For example, filling their car with gas, cooking them dinner, or simply putting slippers by their side of the bed so they’re ready for the morning can all be acts of service.
4. Physical touch
It’s going to sound cheesy when I say this, but physical intimacy is a form of collaboration. Instead of limiting this expression of love to physical touch, as the traditional love languages do, my thoughts turn to all the ways in which we can make our partners or friends experience joy or pleasure through doing things together: collaboration.
A sweet caress there, a kiss in the elevator, you can really let your imagination run wild with this one. These are just a few ideas to tickle your inspiration:
Play discreet footsie at dinner. Don’t let others see (wink, wink).
Turn on romantic music in the room and have a dance or two.
A sensual massage with our luxury massage essential add-ons. This can also be considered an act of service.
5. Receiving gifts
The idea of gifts as a way of expressing affection is slightly transactional. Gifts tend to point towards material goodies and surprises. While I am a big fan of those, no gift is better than a friend or partner’s participation in one of my many areas of engagement. It could be something as simple as making a TikTok or an Instagram reel on a subject that is close to me, or watching a TV series together.
People whose primary love language is receiving gifts prefer when their romantic partners show affection by gifting items that show they’re on their mind. These individuals feel the most loved when they have a tangible reminder of their significant other’s affection. While these could include a thoughtful gift they purchased, it could also include handmade gifts or cards, sentimental items like ticket stubs from a memorable date, or other non-monetary items. People with this primary love language may care about not only the gift but also the time and effort involved in choosing it.
