Love is both mysterious and complicated. What makes someone fall for us? That’s an answer we’d all like to know, isn’t it? Psychologists have identified some psychological facts about love and 5 surprising reasons of falling in love:
1. BEING INCREDIBLY SIMILAR
Did you know that the people saying “Opposites attract” is not necessarily true?
A study in 2007 on human love psychology found that similarities in partners can help us create a stronger bond.
Why is that?
Well, differences can certainly be interesting but it’s similarities that will help two people build a connection faster according to the psychology of love.
2. CONNECTING ON 3 GENERATIONAL LEVELS
What does that mean?
Psychologist, Eric Berne, Author of Games People Play, believes that according to the psychology of love, the most successful couples connect on three different generational or ego levels:
- Parent: What we’ve been taught
- Child: What we’ve felt (Experience)
- Adult: What we’ve learnt
According to human love psychology, compatibility in a couple increases with more and more similarities in their mindset and thinking.
3. GIVING INTENSE LOOK TO EACH OTHER FOR FEW MINUTES
A study on the psychology of love was done by the University of Mashhad participants working together in pairs and looking into each other’s eyes for several minutes.
The conclusion?
They found that extended eye contact may have the power to connect and develop feelings of love and affection.
4. BODY LANGUAGE LIKE FACIAL EXPRESSIONS
Body language is a powerful silent tool. And one of the most surprising reasons someone might fall in love with us has to do with whether we turn towards, or, away from our partner and how often we do it. Something like talking about a new show might seem insignificant but we get to know each other’s every little “Touch Points” which either strengthens the relationship or weakens it.
“Are you paying attention?”
What is our body reflecting when our partner asks this question?
It reflects that we seem inattentive which is a turning away point in a relationship.
Everytime we interact, we both have the opportunity to build a stronger connection and develop that love.
5. HAVING A DOG
Yes, having a dog can be a bonus point. And this is specifically true for men.
In a 2008 study, a 20-Year-Old attempted to obtain the phone numbers of women with and without a dog by his side. He found that having a dog during these social interactions increased the chances of obtaining their number when compared to not having one.
Another study in 2014, came to a relatable conclusion. After showing women stories of various men, the participants rated the men with dogs as more suitable long-term partners and found them more approachable compared to the men who didn’t have a dog.
Love can surprise us when we least expect it. This is why it’s important to be ready and open for a connection when we find it. And if we think we’ve already found it, we just need to examine how many things we can clear off this list?
But what do theories in psychology actually say about love?
- What is love and why do we fall in love?
- Who are we attracted to and why?
- Do opposites attract or is a relationship with a similar partner happier?
- What are the signs of real love in a relationship?
- Which are the differences between liking, admiration and true love?
- What is consummate love?
- What is not genuine love?
- How do societal beliefs and perceptions of love affect our relationships?
- Should you stop loving your ex after your romantic relationship ends?
Consummate Love in the Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Sternberg
Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love (or ‘Triangle Love’ in short) states that love consists of three main components:
1. Commitment
2. Passion, which is romantic and sexual attraction
3. Intimacy, which is emotional closeness
Combinations of love elements in the Triangular Theory of Love
Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love suggests a few different combinations of these “love components”. Sternberg named the combinations as:
1. Romantic love includes passion and intimacy, but there is no commitment. Romantic love is common among teenagers as well as young adults. Those who experience this lobe can attest that it is only driven by passion and emotional connection. This form of love is usual for longer secret affairs. In a secret love affair, you may feel that your relationship is the best ever, but still leaving you a bit empty because there is no commitment or the kind of commitment you need to feel good in the long run.
2. Fatuous love involves a lot of sexual attraction and commitment, but it lacks intimacy. Fatuous love is characterized by a quick engagement that may occur after a few weeks.
3. Companionate love is characterized by commitment and a very strong emotional connection, but there is no passion. This is common in close friendships and in long-term marriages where you may feel your spouse is your best friend and that is why you don’t want to leave him/her even though you’re not fully happy in your marriage. This ‘Companionate Love’ is why you may still feel love for your partner even though you also feel you would like to divorce. Rare people want to live the rest of their lives without good sex and passion, so they may start cheating their spouses. Although you don’t cheat your best friend, right? An open relationship might be a more honest solution here.
Do opposites attract? Not enough, based on the theory of love
The Clone Attraction, which shows that people are more attracted to those they feel are similar to them. People are attracted to those with similar values, interests, and shared religious, political or other beliefs. Even though some believe that opposites attract, actually couples with similar personality and physical appearance tend to be happier.
In one experiment, participants were more attracted to the morphed versions of their own faces, which may be due to some evolutionary reasons: a father recognizes his own child more easily if the child’s both parents look similar.
This love theory explains that couples who are similar tend to be a lot happier compared to those who have different interests and beliefs.
